MY FIRST TRIP TO THE BIG APPLE…..

WHITE RUSSIAN

SOME YEARS BACK I WAS IN NEW YORK ( I HAD WON A TRIP TO GO SEE MISS AMERICA IN ATLANTIC CITY), SO I WANTED TO VISIT NEW YORK FOR A FEW DAYS, I’D NEVER BEEN YET. SO ON OUR SECOND DAY WE WERE AT A STOP LIGHT AND THIS WOMAN STANDING NEXT TO ME ALONG WITH 100 OTHER PEOPLE SAIDOUT LOUD {TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR}; ‘YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WALK AROUND WITH THESE TIT’S’. AS IT HAPPENS I LOOKED AROUND TO SEE WHO SHE WAS TALKING TO AND ONCE I SAW SHE REALLY WAS TALKING TO HERSELF  I HAD TO LOOK AT HER TIT’S,  WHICH I WOULDN’T OF BOTHERED HAD SHE NOT MADE IT A POINT TO ADVERTISE THEM. THEY WERE NICE I SUPPOSE, BIG MOTHER-FU..KER’S –        AND MY MIND KEPT WONDERING WHY A STRANGER WOULD DO THAT IN A CROWED STREET CORNER ?

THEN THIS GROUP OF PRE-TEEN ALL RAN BY US AND ALMOST KNOCKED ME OVER, AND THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF WAS; ‘WHERE WAS PLANNED PARENTHOOD WHEN WE REALLY NEEDED IT. ?’

WE WERE MEETING FRIENDS AT GRAND CENTRAL AND ONCE WE FOUND OUT WE WERE STILL ABOUT 20 BLOCKS FROM IT I TOLD MY FRIEND I’D ALWAYS WANTED TO TAKE THE NEW YORK SUBWAY – SO AT THE NEXT STATION WE STARTED WALKING DOWN THE STEPS AND THIS STENCH OF PISS SMELL MADE MY EYE’S WATERY, SO I MENTIONED IT OUT LOUD…… “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I AM NOT WALKING INTO A PISS HOLE – IT SMELLS REALLY BAD.” AND HIS GUY WHO WAS IN FRONT OF US SAID ; “ WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT ME WHEN YOU SAID THAT ? IT’S NOT MY FAULT ? “ I WAS GOING TO SEND HIM TO HELL. BUT THANK GOD MY FRIEND READ ME QUICKLY, AND PULLED ME BACK UP THE STAIRS…..  PEOPLE WALK AROUND WITH GUNS HERE, YOU DON’T ARGUE WITH STRANGERS – DO YOU WANT TO END UP ON THE 6 O’CLOCK NEWS ? ’’

SO WE HAILED DOWN A CAB WHICH ISN’T AS EASY AS YOU WOULD THINK… WE GOT THIS RUSSIAN DRIVER, I ONLY POINT IT OUT BECAUSE HE DID…. SO MANY TIMES. “ME WHITE RUSSIAN !” HE WOULD POINT OUT. ISN’T THAT REVERSE DISCRIMINATION IF YOU CALL YOURSELF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE CALLS YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK ? AFTER HEARING HE WAS A ‘WHITE RUSSIAN’ FOR THE THIRD OR FOURTH TIME, I THOUGHT MAYBE HE THINKS IF HE SAYS IT OFTEN ENOUGH THAT WE’LL THINK THEY INVENTED THE DRINK BECAUSE OF HIM. HE ALSO DID THIS WEIRD THINK – WELL WEIRD FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT ON THE RIGHT SIDE.  WHENEVER HE WOULD TALK ABOUT COMMUNIST RUSSIA HE WOULD ROLL DOWN HIS WINDOW AND SPIT, WHICH OF COURSE I WOULD CATCH SOME OF IT DIRECTLY IN THE FACE. “IN AMERICA HE SAID” YOU CAN EAT PORK SHOP EVERYDAY IF YOU WANTING ?” AND I WANTED TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND CARING, BUT I WAS STILL AT AN AGE WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE THOSE FEELINGS YET, PLUS HE WAS SPITTING ON ME SO IT’S HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR SOMEONE WHO SPRAYS YOU WITH SALIVA EVERY 30 SECONDS. AFTER HE DROPPED US OFF, AND SPIT ONE MORE TIME WHICH I MANAGED TO DUCK THE SPRAY COMPLETELY THAT TIME.

I LEARNED WE WERE PRETTY LUCKY IN NORTH AMERICA AND SOMETIMES WE TOOK THAT FOR GRANTED, BECAUSE HE WAS RIGHT, WE CAN EAT PORK CHOPS EVERYDAY IN CANADA/U.S.A. AND AT THE TIME I DID EAT PORK CHOP ALMOST DAILY – I LIVED ON PORK CHOPS – NOW I HAVE A LEVEL OF CHOLESTEROL COUNT THAT WOULD KILL AN AVERAGE HORSE SO I SELDOM CAN EAT IT AND SINCE WE’VE GOTTEN NOEL IT’S JUST NOT THE SAME ANYMORE, ( I HAVE A POT-BELLY PIG AS A PET.) YOU KNOW ? I MEAN I’M EATING SOMEONE ELSE’S NOEL ! WELL ‘I COULDN’T SLEEP SO I DECIDED TO SHOOT THE SHIT AND NOW I THINK I CAN GET BACK TO SLEEP SO I’LL SIGN OFF. REMEMBER I LOVE YOU ALL.

AN ORIGINAL PIECE BY : GUY D. BREAU

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Entertainment. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to MY FIRST TRIP TO THE BIG APPLE…..

  1. TYLER says:

    YOU COULD BE A COMEDIAN. THAT WAS FUNNY…..

  2. FeLiCiAnO VaMoS says:

    I AGREE I LAUGHED THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY. BRAVO

  3. Guy says:

    OH GOD I LAUGHED THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING….. GOOD ONE !

  4. Pierre says:

    ADD ME TO THE LIST \’CAUSE I LAUGHED THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING…. VERY FUNNY

  5. brendahelen says:

    l loved that story made me laugh a lot .another nice drawing your very good hope you know that.

  6. CECIL TROY says:

    oh my…. that was so funny I\’m still laughing. Your good.excellent job.

  7. DANNON says:

    OKAY. THAT ONE WAS FUNNY AS HELL ! I LOVE YOUR DRAWING AS WELL – LIKE SOMEONE ASKED YOU BEFORE,I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW GOOD YOU ARE ? aND YOU CAN ADD COMEDIAN TO THAT TOO. DANNON

  8. PARISE says:

    YOU ARE REALLY TALENTED….. BRAVO !

  9. Davide says:

    Great story….. You should really think about being a COMEDIAN

  10. Nathalie says:

    VERY SWEET…. GOOD JOB

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s