walking my pig……

I HAVE THIS ADORABLE PET PIG. HER NAME IS NOEL, SHE’LL BE 4 YEARS OLD ON DECEMBER 23RD. 
SHE’S AN AMAZINGLY INTELLIGENT CREATURE, SEE I DIDN’T KNOW PIGS WERE THE SECOND
MOST INTELLIGENT CREATURES AFTER HUMANS AT THE TIME WE GOT HER, ONE OF MY SISTERS NEIGHBOUR HAD ONE
AND I DECIDED I WANTED ONE TOO.

THIS WEEKEND WE WENT FOR A WALK, SHE HAS DIFFERENT OUTFITS THAT A FRIEND
MADE FOR HER, BUT IT WAS TOO HOT TO DRESS HER UP, PLUS
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO IRVING – BUT WE ENDED UP AT THE BEACH NOT FAR FROM THE HOUSE,
AND OF COURSE NOEL HAD TO PICK THE NUDE BEACH WHERE I WAS THE AWKWARD ONE
BECAUSE I WAS FULLY DRESSED,  I EVEN HAD A HAT ! 

I TRIED NOT TO LOOK, MAINLY BECAUSE THEY WERE OLD PEOPLE
AND A FEW PEOPLE I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH.
MY MOTTO IS : IF I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL
I’M NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU NAKED NOW ! IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
BUT I’M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO DRAWS IN LUCK EXCEPT IT’S NOT THE GOOD KIND OF LUCK !
THE GOOD KIND OF LUCK….. I DON’T HAVE AN OUNCE OF IT…
SOME PEOPLE SCREAMED OUT HI, A FEW EVEN ADDED MY NAME SO I DID
MY BEST TO SAY HI WITH MINIMUM SIGHT-SEEING, AND IT’S NOT AS EASY
AS ONE MAY THINK TO AVOID NAKED PEOPLE SCREAMING YOUR NAME….

I WAS A LITTLE ANGRY AT NOEL FOR EMBARRASSING ME LIKE THAT,
BUT SHE COULDN’T CARE LESS – SHE WENT IN FOR A SWIM,
WHICH I DIDN’T AND IT GAVE ME A PERFECT EXCUSE AT NOT LOOKING
AT THE NAKED FREAKS ( I COULD PRETEND I WAS WATCHING MY PIG)
I DON’T LEAVE HER ON THE LEASH WHEN SHE’S IN THE WATER, MAINLY
BECAUSE WHERE ELSE IS SHE GOING TO GO, P.E.I. ?

AFTER THAT EMBARRASSING JOURNEY I EXPLAINED TO NOEL (MY PIGS NAME)
THAT I WOULDN’T BE GOING FOR A WALK AGAIN FOR AWHILE AFTER THAT STUNT !
AND DON’T THINK SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND, CAUSE SHE NIBBLED ON MY CALF MUSCLES,
THAT’S HER WAY OF TELLING YOU TO FUCK-OFF – OR YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.
THERE’S ANOTHER STORY ABOUT PIGLETS,
BUT I MAY REVEAL THAT ONE AT A FUTURE DATE.
 
THIS NEXT PART HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY WALK WITH NOEL, BUT.
REMEMBER MY TRIP TO EUROPE IN JUNE ?
WELL SOMETHINGS HAS BEEN CONFUSSING ME EVER SINCE…
YOU ALL KINOW WHAT A ZEBRA IS, RIGHT ?
WELL IN ENGLAND THEY PRONOUNCE IT A
ZEBARA…. WHAT’S UP WITH THAT ?  
JUST AN OBSERVATION.
AN ORIGINAL PIECE BY : GUY D. BREAU
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4 Responses to walking my pig……

  1. JAMES says:

    HILARIOUS….. THXS FOR THE LAUGH.

  2. Rachel Edith says:

    funny//

  3. MICHAEL SCOTT says:

    I LOVE THAT STORY…..

  4. Pierre says:

    Zebara, ha… I\’d never heard that one.

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